Dear Mom-

Four years ago today I said goodbye to you for the last time. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. For many days and weeks and months after that, I didn’t know how to feel. Some days were really, really hard. Watching someone laugh made me angry. Watching someone cry made me think, “you don’t know what pain is.” Some days I can’t even remember.

One day along the line, it started to get easier. Easier to say your name, or talk about all the great things you said and did and gave to everyone around you. Then I realized I started to get upset if someone didn’t mention your name. So I made sure I did - and I think it made it easier for everyone around to talk about your talent, your humor, and your amazing generosity.

At some point, I thought less about the day I had to say goodbye, and out of nowhere said, “Hi, mom. I miss you, but I know you’re here.” And I realized that you are here, all around me. And it makes me smile to have a hint of something you said, or a reminder of something amazing you’d done.

By the time this day comes around next year, your grandson will be here. I so wish you could be here to see how happy this little miracle has already made us. I’ll be looking up to you, asking all kinds of questions about how to be as great of a parent as you were to me. I know that some way, some how, you’ll give me all the guidance I need. You were that inspirational to me all my life, and I hope and pray I can carry your legacy on to our son.

I love you, mom. And I miss you. Every single day.

Your son,

Leigh